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When Instincts Start Running the Show (A Sobriety Reminder I Needed)

The battle between instincts and emotional sobriety

"We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us." — Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 84

Eight years of sobriety has taught me one vital truth: alcohol was never the primary problem. It was my "solution" to a much deeper internal noise. Even after the obsession to drink is lifted, the raw instincts that once drove me into chaos remain. In the rooms, we learn that when these instincts go unchecked, they start running the show—leaving us restless, irritable, and disconnected long before we ever pick up a drink.

The Architecture of an Instinct

Instincts aren't inherently bad; they are built-in human needs. The trouble begins when a desire turns into a demand. When I move from "I would like" to "I must have," I begin to control, manipulate, and force outcomes. This is where we drift away from the 1939 Blueprint of recovery and back into the driver's seat of self-will.

1. The Trap of Pride

Pride is often just "image management." It’s the need to be right, to be seen a certain way, or the inability to admit I’m wrong. In recovery, pride keeps me isolated. If I’m busy pretending I’m fine, I can’t be honest. And without honesty, there is no relief. To find balance, I have to remain teachable and ask: "What is my part in this situation?"

2. The Illusion of Security

When my instinct for security runs wild, I demand certainty in an uncertain world. This fear shows up in my finances, my relationships, and my plans for the future. If I don't control every variable, I feel exposed. The solution is found in doing the footwork and letting go of the results—a core principle of the AA Recovery Roadmap.

3. Sex and Relationship Motives

This is often the messiest area of all. Sometimes what I call "attraction" is actually a search for validation or an escape from uncomfortable emotions. If I am using a person to fix how I feel inside, it isn't connection; it's a "take" rather than a "give." True healing comes from being responsible and asking: "Am I looking for love, or am I looking for relief?"

4. The Quiet Thief: Comfort

Comfort is the instinct that steals life through procrastination and avoidance. There is a massive difference between true rest and "hiding." One of the most dangerous thoughts I can have is letting my life pass me by because I am waiting for the "perfect" time to act. In sobriety, motion creates motion.

Living Outside the Self

The Steps aren't about becoming perfect; they are about staying awake. By identifying these instincts, we can "clean house" before the restlessness turns back into a crisis. We stay close to the program so that we can live a life that is truly intuitive, rather than reactive.

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